The concept that members of the church are ‘Truly happy” and that others not of the church are not the same amount of happy, is ridiculous. In fact, my last year in the church has been the worst year of my life in regard to my mental health and happiness. I attended church as much as I could due to work, and covid, I attended institute and YSA events when they were on, I was as active as I could giving the circumstances. Yet, I never felt more alone in the church since December 2019. However, the members of the church do not dictate who is truly happy and who isn’t. it does not have that right.
Please hear me about this, I was in fact happier outside of the church, overall, than I was therein, means that the culture was overall oppressive, and less helpful then members tend to think. When I decided to leave, in December 2020, I had done so knowing that people may not easily accept that it was for my mental health, and that I actually done so, after a lot of prayer, study, and following the church’s teachings and its commandments. I have kept my end of the commitment of being a member, but the culture of you have to act, think and speak a certain way was to much for me to handle, and when I was in need of help from the church clergy, or anyone in the church, no one offered a hand to get me out of my darkest moments. When I made it clear that I was leaving, a member of the congregation I attended started reaching out more after I informed my congregation’s bishop, my stake’s president and the membership record department.
He was telling me I was doing the wrong thing, and that what actually was revealed to me by God, which was after prayers, study and being faithful to the religious organisation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that what I actually heard was from Satan, saying that Satan can appear as an angel of light. Need I remind that brother that it was the same excuse made against Joseph Smith Jnr. when he had his first vision? Not saying that I am a prophet, but when God commands you to do something, you do it. This latter concept was relevant in Latter-day Saint teachings, however it is a common teaching in a lot of Christian denominations, so that isn’t unique to the church. After telling him couple of times that I did what any faithful member of the church would do, that is, I turned to God Himself, for guidance, like the childrens hymn in the church says ‘Teach me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all the things that I must do, to be with you someday’, then being told that it was wrong that I should actually talk to the congregation’s bishop, except the fact that no one comes to the father except through Christ, and that in my darkest time, no bishop I had truly had reached out his hand, nor kept his promise to help me with temporial things, proved to me that I should not go through a person, I didn’t believe was called by God, to receive help for spiritual needs. You wouldn’t go to a teacher to have surgery, nor would you go to someone who is a spiritual leader for help with a mental state. However, when the bishop has a duty of helping all of his congregants, and fails to do so, or hasn’t reached out to you, then why should I go unto him, for him to convince me to stay, which would go against what God directly told me to do.
I have heard many times that the church is a cult that falls under the B.I.T.E. model. Which is 4 umbrellas of what defines a cult, the above experience I have described falls under the ‘T’ part, which is Thought control, specifically, the 1.c and 1.d parts, which is “deciding what is good and evil”, and “organising people into ‘us’ v. ‘them’”, and the 10th point which is “‘labelling alternative beliefs systems as illegitimate, evil or not useful’”, the brother from the congregation has labelled what I actually experienced and now believe as “evil”, that I am listening to “Them” or “Satan”, and that my alternative belief as illegitimate and evil thoughts, in roundabout words. Some of the things this brother has said can be classed, at least from my understanding of the B.I.T.E. model could fall under emotional control too. As in, he is trying to manipulate my feelings of what I know to be true and what I have experienced as wrong (Emotional control, point 1), making it seem like it would be my fault, when no one from the church clergy as offered me any interaction except to do church at the last bishop’s house for a limited time, during Covid, until after I first email the stake president to see if there’s a way to leave the church records officially. And the 4th point in emotional control, specifically identifying guilt that it is needed, that I’m not living up to my potential as a faithful follower, and historical guilt as he did bring up that I used to have a testimony of the church, however now I don’t. The 8th point in the emotional control actually stands out to me, as it is titled ‘phobia indoctrination’, one point that stands out and that I have brought up in my first line of this posting, is that there’s ‘no happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group’, and the being ‘never a legitimate reason to leave’.
So, if you’re currently a member of the church, please just be advised that, these things have been happening, and that I don’t think it wise to use them against me. Cause if you knew my personal life and knew that there were things happening, and heard my cries for help, and yet now preaching more so to me, about the things that could have helped me, or want to do more church based things with me, where were you when I needed you the most? I attended every meeting that I could during covid, I was as faithful as I could have been, and kept such commandments of the church, and yet, when I asked God, the Eternal father what I should do about the issues I have with the church, and he has said after prayer, study and being faith to leave, I decided to leave. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Now, with all this being said, I do not hold any ill-will against the religious organisation of The Church overall, cause they do help with things, and I don’t hold any ill-will against the people still in, I am just letting you all know that I don’t want the preaching, I don’t want to be call back to being a member, for I did all I should do, and all that I have done, and when the Lord calls you somewhere, you follow. Ask yourself, what would you do?
