An open letter to Latter-day Saints

The concept that members of the church are ‘Truly happy” and that others not of the church are not the same amount of happy, is ridiculous. In fact, my last year in the church has been the worst year of my life in regard to my mental health and happiness. I attended church as much as I could due to work, and covid, I attended institute and YSA events when they were on, I was as active as I could giving the circumstances. Yet, I never felt more alone in the church since December 2019. However, the members of the church do not dictate who is truly happy and who isn’t. it does not have that right. 

Please hear me about this, I was in fact happier outside of the church, overall, than I was therein, means that the culture was overall oppressive, and less helpful then members tend to think. When I decided to leave, in December 2020, I had done so knowing that people may not easily accept that it was for my mental health, and that I actually done so, after a lot of prayer, study, and following the church’s teachings and its commandments. I have kept my end of the commitment of being a member, but the culture of you have to act, think and speak a certain way was to much for me to handle, and when I was in need of help from the church clergy, or anyone in the church, no one offered a hand to get me out of my darkest moments. When I made it clear that I was leaving, a member of the congregation I attended started reaching out more after I informed my congregation’s bishop, my stake’s president and the membership record department. 

He was telling me I was doing the wrong thing, and that what actually was revealed to me by God, which was after prayers, study and being faithful to the religious organisation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that what I actually heard was from Satan, saying that Satan can appear as an angel of light. Need I remind that brother that it was the same excuse made against Joseph Smith Jnr. when he had his first vision? Not saying that I am a prophet, but when God commands you to do something, you do it. This latter concept was relevant in Latter-day Saint teachings, however it is a common teaching in a lot of Christian denominations, so that isn’t unique to the church. After telling him couple of times that I did what any faithful member of the church would do, that is, I turned to God Himself, for guidance, like the childrens hymn in the church says ‘Teach me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all the things that I must do, to be with you someday’, then being told that it was wrong that I should actually talk to the congregation’s bishop, except the fact that no one comes to the father except through Christ, and that in my darkest time, no bishop I had truly had reached out his hand, nor kept his promise to help me with temporial things, proved to me that I should not go through a person, I didn’t believe was called by God, to receive help for spiritual needs. You wouldn’t go to a teacher to have surgery, nor would you go to someone who is a spiritual leader for help with a mental state. However, when the bishop has a duty of helping all of his congregants, and fails to do so, or hasn’t reached out to you, then why should I go unto him, for him to convince me to stay, which would go against what God directly told me to do.

I have heard many times that the church is a cult that falls under the B.I.T.E. model. Which is 4 umbrellas of what defines a cult, the above experience I have described falls under the ‘T’ part, which is Thought control, specifically, the 1.c and 1.d parts, which is “deciding what is good and evil”, and “organising people into ‘us’ v. ‘them’”, and the 10^th point which is “‘labelling alternative beliefs systems as illegitimate, evil or not useful’”, the brother from the congregation has labelled what I actually experienced and now believe as “evil”, that I am listening to “Them” or “Satan”, and that my alternative belief as illegitimate and evil thoughts, in roundabout words. Some of the things this brother has said can be classed, at least from my understanding of the B.I.T.E. model could fall under emotional control too. As in, he is trying to manipulate my feelings of what I know to be true and what I have experienced as wrong (Emotional control, point 1), making it seem like it would be my fault, when no one from the church clergy as offered me any interaction except to do church at the last bishop’s house for a limited time, during Covid, until after I first email the stake president to see if there’s a way to leave the church records officially. And the 4^th point in emotional control, specifically identifying guilt that it is needed, that I’m not living up to my potential as a faithful follower, and historical guilt as he did bring up that I used to have a testimony of the church, however now I don’t. The 8^th point in the emotional control actually stands out to me, as it is titled ‘phobia indoctrination’, one point that stands out and that I have brought up in my first line of this posting, is that there’s ‘no happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group’, and the being ‘never a legitimate reason to leave’. 

 

So, if you’re currently a member of the church, please just be advised that, these things have been happening, and that I don’t think it wise to use them against me. Cause if you knew my personal life and knew that there were things happening, and heard my cries for help, and yet now preaching more so to me, about the things that could have helped me, or want to do more church based things with me, where were you when I needed you the most? I attended every meeting that I could during covid, I was as faithful as I could have been, and kept such commandments of the church, and yet, when I asked God, the Eternal father what I should do about the issues I have with the church, and he has said after prayer, study and being faith to leave, I decided to leave. What would you do if you were in my shoes? 

 

Now, with all this being said, I do not hold any ill-will against the religious organisation of The Church overall, cause they do help with things, and I don’t hold any ill-will against the people still in, I am just letting you all know that I don’t want the preaching, I don’t want to be call back to being a member, for I did all I should do, and all that I have done, and when the Lord calls you somewhere, you follow. Ask yourself, what would you do?

My past year, and the plans for the next.

 Around the world, the inhabitants celebrate the end of one of the of the worse overall year in living memory. 2020 surely was one of those years we don't want to think of again, cause it was way to much. I'm going to reflect on my past year, and tell you what this next year is going to be like.

(C) 2021 - Dean Liddell

NEWS ABOUT MY FAITH:

Over the past year I was wondering about where I stood on my beliefs, and weather or not I should leave the church I was apart of, christianity as a whole, or attend another church. And I have decided, after months of prayer and thinking. I have decided that I am leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (mormon church). At the time I celebrated New Years Eve, I was mentally and spiritually out of the church, in terms of mentally, I wasn't thinking "I believe in the church" and spiritually, I now longer believe in the doctrines and beliefs of the Church. By all means, I'm still a member of the church in terms of being a member on paper. 

This year, I will be attending a few churches, for example Hope UC and Impact Church. I may still attend, from time to time, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to catch up with friends that I have there, however, I will be going to another church for my religious practice. After a while of praying I had a clear revelation from God, and He said unto me "Leave and speak ill not of them, for through you I can bring understanding". This was on the 20th December, 2020, and since then I have not believed in the Mormon Church. perhaps, I will be writing a blog about the beliefs of the Mormon church, only from a position of helping pentecostal and evangelical christians to understand things that they wouldn't have known, unless it comes from someone who is or was apart of that church. 

The theme of 2021

This year, my theme is strength, this could be categorised as a four pillars in the house of strength. There is physical strength in terms of becoming healthier, there is mental strength in terms of being mentally stable and being overall, more joyous. There is financial strength, not having the need to borrow money, and having a proper budget and sticking to it and spiritual strength as in being more stronger in faith. I know where I was in 2020,  and if I am better than where I was, that is the best case scenario. I don't set goals, just as long as I'm doing something to improve these things that is the best thing for me. The reason I'm doing this is cause of an inspiration from a CGP Grey video, titled "Your Theme" published on 26th January 2020. 

Until next time, May I leave you unto this blessing which I found in the bible, 

The LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace

(Numbers 6:24-26 ESV)

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

In Christ Alone

The doctrine of In Christ alone is an important thing in the faith of Christianity. Where can we find hope? In Christ alone! Where can we find salvation? In Christ alone! Where can we turn to in times of pain? Christ alone. The purpose of my blog, and this journey of writing these things and going through the scriptures, I am hoping I turn to Christ alone. I would consider myself as a Christian. In terms of sports, I would be considered as a de-facto free agent, in terms of, currently, I see myself as not an active member of any ‘team’, and currently looking for my next team, yet, I may be apart of the ‘Mormon’ church actively again. My faith is in Christ alone, and nothing and no one else. The Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, though the church teaches and testifies of Christ and really does focus on Christ Jesus, but with a focus on teachings of the prophets, it has caused some discomfort in my heart. 

When believing in Christ alone, things have fallen in line for me. When additional stuff is added upon, it caused confusion in my mind, even in the church I have been a part of for the past two and a-bit years. To be believing in Christ alone is important due to the importance of Christ is in salvation of humanity, and the importance of how we can become better. It is written that God became word and the word was with God, through the word, God made all things and not one thing was made in all of creation without the word, and the word is Christ (see John 1:1-4). When a Christian first believe in Him who has set us free, nothing else comes before it. You do not need to be of an certain age, gender or from a certain place of birth to become a Christian. You do not need to be of the left or right wings of politics, you don’t need to apart of the republicans to be Christian, nor do you need to be apart the democrats to be Christian. All you need to be is a believer of Christ to be a member of His church. The Church of which Christ has all authority and all the praise, and the saints of which follows Him, shall be the church I desire. 

You do not need to work before believing, besides that of repentance. Saying that you proclaiming sin has no power over you anymore and that you shall follow Christ alone. This is the Christianity of the bible, correct? For it is written "The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" (Mark 1:15) We do not need to baptised or confirmed to be saved, however, Christ does get baptised in Matthew 3 to set an example of how to declare his mission, and our mission is to share the good news just like how Christ shares the good news. When a Christian actively does works in causation of his genuine faith, it happens after he believed in Christ and repented from his sins. This is why many Christians from Jehovah’s witnesses to Mormons, to Catholics, to Evangelists, do things to bring people to Christ. This is common fact, however as a Christian, everything you do, needs to glorify Jesus, and you shouldn’t seen to be serving money, should not serve or promote Christianity and a political organisation, person or party. Sure, you can prefer a party, but if you cannot become a servant of a political party or politician, promoting only them, whilst also being a member of the Christian faith, which, when you become to believe in Christ, you are now on a world stage, saying, no matter what happens in this earth, whomsoever is the head of state of this or that nation, the only thing that matters is Christ Jesus. Only Christ should matter in our hearts and being more like Christ. Many people in my life, who are in the church, have tried to justify standing with someone politically, while he speaks against rights, and is an improper acts in politics and with people of the opposite gender of him, calling themselves for the people, while spreading various falsehoods. In Christianity, you should think of things like this, “Does this glorify Jesus or does this glorify man?” We need to do things for Christ and in Christ alone.

Brothers and sisters, we are all family in Christ alone. We are members of a world-wide faith, in Christ alone. We are to be called to serve in the name of Christ alone, and bring glory to Christ alone. When we come together to worship, we do this quite easily, imagine Christ alone being the centre of all people and is every Christian’s focus is to always worship Christ and help others focus upon Him, what would this world look like? It would beautiful, and holy. This is the most important thing to any Christian, it is Jesus, and not politicians, or crystals, nor cards, nor anything else, but bringing people unto Christ, being Christ-like, treating others like Christ would, and helping them in all things. This is the essence of being a Christian. I am overtly proud of Christ and my belief in him, and it is the most important thing in my life, and the so-called Christians in my life have not been following the ways of Christ, and have tried to drag me down into their level, yet they testify of Christ on Sundays. They say that they are believers of Christ, yet attack with their words and have cared not, and are not faithful unless they are around their leaders of the churches and church events. I am looking, in terms of this, is a community of Christians where they are actually Christ like. 

I have lost the feeling of community expected from a Christian community, however, there is very little community in the church I have been apart of. Either because of the year that has been, or it was all a rouse, just to get me in, yet I have been forgotten, until I have called out people for changing how I have been treated by them. It is funny that since my last posting on my blog, a few people have tried to invite me out more to church-based events and share scriptures with me from the Latter-day saints cannon. Which I have asked for when I wrote ‘There is no point in trying to force me into believing what you believe, Pentecostal, evangelical, Baptist, catholic, mormon or otherwise. This is my story of how I am coping with this time in my life, and where I do end up, will be up to God the Father.’, meaning that I do not need your convincing to stay in the church or leave, just let me do what I need to do. For those in my life in the LDS church, please just respect that.

With love, Dean

The Internal Pain of Eternal Conflict

When a person is expressing a concern internally, in regard to their faith, then it is painful. Painful in the sense of mental turmoil of weather they should formally leave their religious beliefs, or specifically their religious organisation to feel at peace and just take time away from formal religious practice and association. Over the last four or five months of Twenty-Twenty (2020 A.D), I have been in this situation. I have been internally in pain and confusion in regards to the religious beliefs and the religious organisation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in regard to my testimony and my full belief in the religious beliefs of the restoration movement and my Testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints being the proper Christian church, and is the current organisation of the biblical church and all the religious dogma that comes with being a member of such a religious organisation. 

In December 2020 A.D., I have decided to take the following year to being stronger in my mind and faith, and I should be focusing on what I actually believe so that by the end of 2021 A.D. I would be able to comfortably say what I wholeheartedly believe, and where I am comfortable with regards to the religious organisation and theology where I should be. Currently I am uncomfortable with being within the confines of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints, and in its doctrines, however, the year of 2021, I hope that I can say for sure, that I totally am committed to The Church or that I should remove my name from the membership thereof and join another church, or no church at all. 

An internal conflict regarding the eternities, is a very hard thing and with multiple people coming at me with various faiths and dogmas, it will cause more pain and turmoil in my heart. Like unto politics, if my preferred party, and if I were in that party as a member, changes or if they lose, or if I am unsure, about if I even should be voting for that party and leave that party behind or not, if people of various political associations come at you with their political views, then confusion and anger will of course arise. So, I have decided to write down my beliefs and what I hold dear, when it comes to expressly religion. I shall be making a blog in regard to what I believe, and articles of which I have written, shall be free of which I believe. Which, if you found this online, you already know about it. I hope that through this little experiment, my faith and where I stand shall be known unto me, and others, and that I may find a home in His kingdom on earth. 

So, regarding where I stand in terms of Jesus Christ, This is what I believe;

1.     I believe that Jesus Christ is the literal son of God, The Eternal father, (John 10:15, Mark 14:36, 61-62)

2.     I believe that Jesus Christ died and rose again, to pay for the debt which he did not have, to save us all from sin and the penalties thereof, (John 3:16-18, Acts 4:12)

3.     I believe that you can only go through Jesus Christ to get through the father. (John 14:6)

4.     I believe that he shall come again unto earth. (Acts 1:10-11)

These is the basics of what I believe regarding Jesus, over the next year I will expand my written down beliefs and share them on here for you all to see. Now, let us be clear, I am no scholar, nor am I trying to start a new church or denomination. I am an individual, who will study about what I believe in and share down those beliefs. I will not sit in a church pew, regardless of denomination or theology, and accept everything said from that pulpit nor missionaries from any group, either online or in person, I will be studying the scriptures so that I may find truth, rebuke any errors that I may have, correcting my own faults, and find guidance on how to rightfully live in accordance with faith (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Now I will still read the scriptures of ‘Mormonism’, and as such I may find doctrines in there I believe, but if I believe in the entirety of the bible, and find that to be my sole bases in what I believe, and not need to find knowledge from that cannon, I shall do what I need to do regarding that revelation through that next year.

Now, to my fellow saints, as I am still a member, and I may or may not be a member at the end of the year, or so when this experiment ends, I want you to know, I will not be one of those Ex-mormons on reddit that will seek to bring you out of your faith, you are all great people and I wish you well, this blog will be for you to know where I stand and know that I have took my time. I did wholeheartedly believe and defended the church, however, this blog and what I am doing with it is to cope with my personal faith crisis. You can share all you want with your stake presidents, and your bishops, yet this is the best way for me to cope with the faith crisis that I have found myself in over the past year since November or December of 2019, as some may know the correlation of that time in my life and why I may be having a faith crisis. I took me a year to realise that I even had a faith crisis, or even that I was doubting my faith in Jesus Christ and the doctrines of Christianity. So it may take a year or two to resolve these things of my heart.

When deciding to make this public, I considered what it could be seen as, it could be seen as me secretly imbedding the Mormon doctrines into a simple cover-up to get ex-members and non-mormons into the church, or it could be seen the other way around, that I am trying to get members to leave the church, and follow me. It could be seen as me starting a whole new religious organisation, by it I could be known for generations, yet none of these is my goal. My goal is to know where I stand, know what I believe, and find where God wants me to be, by the end of this experiment, which would be me coming out and saying that I have found what God wants me to do and where he wants me in life and it is “Blank”. This may be in 6, 12, 18, 24 or 39 months from today. There is no point in trying to force me into believing what you believe, Pentecostal, evangelical, Baptist, catholic, mormon or otherwise. This is my story of how I am coping with this time in my life, and where I do end up, will be up to God the Father. It would be easier to just suck it up and stay where I am, and you’d be right. It would be easier to that, just wait and see, but for me, I need to act and do, I need to actively do these things in my life to know where I stand and what I believe. I do not care where I lose friends, and if I do, I pray for your life, that it may be safe, and that you shall do well. 

I sincerely hope that you and I can learn a lot from each other throughout this blog. I will keep the blog up forever, to reflect upon where I was, and where I will be. I’ll write again soon, sincerely,

Dean Liddell